woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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