Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
