I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize