everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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