mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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