I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
