you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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