Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
