I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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