So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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