I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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