saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
