Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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