His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
