Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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