i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
