I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
