His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Someone came in the potted fern
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
