I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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