lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
