Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
NoShamevember. You game?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
