sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
