I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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