He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
