Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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