It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
