when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
