all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize