i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
