glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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