I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
