Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
