Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Buhtt sex?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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