4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
