she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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