ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
