a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
do herpes really smell.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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