If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
