her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
