either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
