My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
me + whiskey = a bad person
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
