Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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