What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
