If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
