I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
