Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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