i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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