I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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