He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize