I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Actions speak louder than pants.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
