So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
