We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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