her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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