I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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