just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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