I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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