i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
