thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I could fuck to npr.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize