i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have aggressive nipples.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
