Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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