some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
