420 ftw
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
