I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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