Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
