she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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