my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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