I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
