I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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