He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
