gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize