what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
